I have been

remiss at posting here lately. Perhaps because my emotions have been in turmoil, and I have no idea what to say. My father has Alzheimer's disease, and lives with my elder brother in Florida. Somehow, he managed to get the keys to a car, and take off. He was found about 24 hours later in a small town just north of Chattanooga, Tenn. He had managed to shred the tires on the car by driving off the road and thru a field to get to a truck stop. He thought he was in Perry county, Ky and close to his sisters home. He reeked of urine, and had clearly not slept. God was watching over him, and the people who run the truck stop were his guardian angels. They knew something was wrong, and talked to him. They let him call his sister, and they called the local police. The tags on the car came back as a missing person, and they managed to keep him there until the police arrived. They also went out and bought him a fresh outfit of clothes, and stayed with him until my brother arrived. They even picked my brother up at the airport and took him to my father. They gave my brother a hat, which reads "Relax, GOD is in control" How very appropriate. I did not sleep the entire time he was missing. I cried rivers of tears, praying he would be safe and not hurt himself or anyone else. I have no desire to see him, but it is important he be safe. Makes no sense, but perhaps in time it will.

Birthdays have never been a source of stress to me. I turned 50 last week, and for some reason it bothers me. I am getting old, alone. I miss having someone special to talk to, cuddle up with and share the good and bad of each day. I know I will probably remain alone for the rest f my life and that hurts. This is not the life I want, and I am struggling to accept it.

My friend in NC is doing better. He had started drinking again, and spent 2 days in the hospital with internal bleeding. He went to an AA meeting last night. I hope and pray he stays sober this time. The trial for his daughters murderer begins in late March. He has asked me to come stay with him during that time, and I am honored to do so. I can' t imagine how hard that will be for him. If I can bring him any small measure of comfort with my presence then that is where I need to be.