Taking care of me

is something I have never been good at. Always too busy watching out for everyone else around me, putting myself last. That has changed. For once I have begun to put my wants and needs first, and to take better care of myself. This blog is part of that.

6 months ago, my doctor told me my diabetes was out of control, my good cholesterol too low, bad cholesterol too high and if I didn't change my ways I was not going to live long. I am ready to meet my maker, but want to be around for my daughter and grandsons as long as I can. So I actually listened. I have made a concerted effort to eat healthier, and move my butt a bit more.

I went for a check up yesterday. To my surprise I cut my bad cholesterol in half, increased my good cholesterol, got my diabetes under much better control, and dropped 45 pounds in the process. I am truly proud of myself. I stopped on the way home and bought the exercise ball and video my doctor suggested. At the moment I am a bit sore from my first work out. Its a great kind of sore though.

Baby steps. One at a time. Taking care of me. Novel concept. Scary. The doctor wants another 45 pounds gone in the next 6 months. That would have me weighing less than since I was 20, when I got pregnant with my daughter. As much as the idea of being attractive and fit scares me, I will not run from it this time. I will protect myself, and do what is best for me.

Change is the only constant....

Jackson is doing well after his surgery. He uses his left side much more than he was. He is pulling up, walking holding onto furniture. Hes talking more as well. The major concern now is that he has stopped growing and has lost a little weight. He is getting supplements every day to increase his caloric intake. If this continues they will be forced to put him thru more tests to find the cause. All I can do is pray.

My friend in NC stopped speaking to me right before Christmas. I had no idea why, but he told me last night that he was hearing things about me. Things that are untrue and hurtful. I have asked him to tell me who said them, but he refuses. He also told me he has been seeing someone here locally, and has been to the area 10 times or so. Not once did he call me, or ask if I wanted to meet. I am hurt, confused. From asking me to stay there during the trial, to not wanting to even meet me. I am so sad, it seems the lies have cost me a precious friendship. We may still talk, but never again will we be so close as we were not so long ago.

I am truly happy he has found someone to bring laughter back into his life. I hope she treats him as he deserves to be treated.

As for me, I will remain alone. Joe called a couple weeks ago, begging for another chance. He said he lost the best thing he ever had when he let me leave him. I prayed about it and agreed to meet him this weekend. I now know it would never work. He won't admit his drinking is a problem, and refuses to even discuss stopping. I deserve better than a drunk.

Death claimed another friend. Not someone I was close to, but I wonder if I will be next. That doesn't sound like a horrible thing. I am in no hurry, but I am most certainly ready. My blood sugars are back under control. Not perfect yet, but my doctor should be pleased.