Death

is as much a part of life as breathing. Why then does it hurt so much to lose those we love? My cousin, Adam died a week ago today. Barely 46 years old, gone. We had not been close for a long time, but as kids we were inseparable. He was like my younger punk brother. He gave me my first black eye, and I gave him his. Despite being raised in church, he was always the rebel of his family. He joined the navy to try and straighten his life out. It worked, to a degree. The past couple of years were the best for him. He has a good job, was back in church and seemed genuinely happy. His daughters are grow, beautiful young women that both look ever so much like him. His mother is my mothers sister. She looks so much like mom its almost scary. Of course the family all came in for his funeral. Including the uncle who was the first to molest me. No memory returned, but when he hugged me I felt total revulsion. I wanted to run from him, but there was no where to go. Everyone asked after my father, and appeared shocked I have not seen him in over 7 years. They still hold him in high esteem, they don't know the monster he truly is within. It would change nothing to tell them, and would only hurt the family I love. I made it thru the funeral, with only some nightmares afterwards, which have now subsided. Theres a hole in my heart where Adams memory will live forever.


My friend in North Carolina is at last getting the help he needs. He was admitted to the psychiatric ward yesterday near his home. I know the courage it takes to ask for help, and I am so glad he has done so at last. Perhaps now he can truly begin to heal. He called last night, frightened and unsure as to if he had done the right thing. He asked if I would still talk to him, or if I, like most everyone else in his life, would walk away. I hope I was able to reassure him that my friendship and love are his for eternity.

Things around the house are not good. My clothes dryer broke last week, so I am having to wash clothes then hang them in the bathroom to dry. My hot water was out for a bit over 24 hours, but it is back working now. I think I can afford to buy a new dryer on Friday when I get paid. I tried to find the part to fix the one I have, but the part is almost as expensive as a new dryer, and more so if I have it installed. Lifes little challenges appear, but I can't allow them to get my down.

My diabetes is nearly under control at last. Not where it should be, but much better than it was. With continued proper eating and exercise it will be okay. Strange things make it shoot up, but I am eliminating them from my diet as I discover what they are. One good thing is that I have lost 4 pounds by being more careful with my food choices.